You do not have to lose yourself to be a good parent. A truth I had to learn for myself.
One of the struggles I see in so many new parents, and felt keenly myself, is the sense that your own identity has been swallowed whole by parenthood. The hobbies, friendships and ambitions that once defined you can feel impossibly far away when every waking moment revolves around a tiny person who depends on you completely.
You Matter Too
It took me a while to accept that taking care of myself is not selfish. It is essential. A depleted parent simply has less to give. Just as the flight attendants tell us to fit our own oxygen mask first, I have learned that looking after my own wellbeing is what lets me be the parent I want to be.
Small Steps Make a Difference
- Carve out even 15 minutes a day for something you enjoy.
- Stay connected with friends. Even a text or a short call counts.
- Set one small personal goal each month that is not about the kids.
- Accept help when it is offered, and ask for it when it is not.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.
What I hold on to is this: our children gain from seeing a parent who has interests, passions and a sense of self. By tending to my own life, I am quietly showing them what a full, balanced one looks like. That, I think, is one of the greatest gifts I can give.